Back to School Toolkit: For Families
Heading back to school after the summer can be challenging for families for many reasons. For our youth, this can include normal first day jitters and moodiness associated with changes in sleep and meal schedules, but it can also include other serious challenges like overwhelming feelings, anxiety, depression, and more. For parents, it can be difficult to understand why youth feel the way they do when parents have to juggle the normal day-to-day responsibilities of life on top of the change back to school.
Routine changes can be especially challenging for children, especially children with preexisting behavioral and physical health concerns. Going from three months of no school back to the hour-to-hour schedule can be jarring. Routines help children feel safe, build independence, and decrease conflict between the parent and child (source). In fact, one study shows that routines can “reduce parental stress” and are useful in minimizing behavioral problems in some children. Other studies have found that routines are “associated with positive developmental outcomes” and can act as a protective factor in “challenging environments.”
Think of it this way: a routine teaches a child what to expect in a given situation. It teaches them what to do to prepare for life and instills in them a sense of independence. When a child has become accustomed to repeating the same steps over and over, they learn to do these steps on their own, building their sense of confidence and independence (source).
With summer break near its end, a major routine shift is about to happen for children and parents everywhere. Even the most prepared families who have the same routine all year may face challenges getting back into the rhythm of school. Change is a major challenge for children and they all react to it differently. During times of change, a child may be clingier, moodier, irritable, anxious, less sociable, etc. (source). Children may also show signs of regression in their behavior (such as playing with things they’ve outgrown).
Heading back to the classroom can also bring about anxiety in children. While some anxiety affects many people, high levels can be disruptive for everyone. Signs of anxiety include:
Changes in eating habits
Sleep disturbance
Clingy behavior
Meltdowns/Tantrums
Nail biting, skin picking, hair picking, and other similar habits
Headaches and stomach pain
Avoiding normal daily activities
Increased irritability
Increased crying
Social isolation
If these symptoms last longer than two weeks, it’s a good idea to schedule an evaluation with their doctor or a mental health professional. When anxiety interferes with daily life,that’s a sign to get some help. For tips on managing back to school anxiety, click here.
Tips and Resources:
For youth
Develop routines. Try to get up and go to bed at the same time everyday, even on weekends, work on homework at the same time, etc. This can give structure to your life and make you feel a little better about your time.
Learn the signs of anxiety, depression, and psychosis, and what to do next. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If you think you might be experiencing a mental health concern, take a screening test, ask for help, and connect with online resources like:
Teen Line - Call 800-852-8336 6 pm - 10 pm PST every night or text TEEN to 839863 6 pm - 9 pm PST
YouthLine - Call 8779688491 or text teen2teen to 839863
Call 4 - 10 pm PST to talk to with a trained youth for peer-to-peer support
Adults are available by phone all other times
Call or text 988, especially if you are in crisis or thinking about suicide
Text HOME to 741741 for support through the Crisis Text Line
The Trevor Project Hotline for LGBTQ+ Youth - Call 1-866-488-7386 (available 24/7/365)
Familiarize yourself with resources that can help you. MHA National has a lot of tools available to help people of all ages understand their mental health. Click here for a list of topics exploring mental health including on how to support your friends, social media, self-esteem, and more.
For parents
Stick with (or create) a routine at home. Write it down where you and your child can see it. Keep the routine as much as possible, reminding your child of reoccurring events such as afterschool activities or visits with family members in advance. Communicate and explain changes in routine when they come up. Keep the same wake up and bedtime, same mealtimes, and same times for homework and activities and as children get older, encourage them to have a say in their schedule.
Break down your routine into small steps. For example, break down your morning routine: you wake up at 7:00 am, brush your teeth, get dressed, make and eat breakfast. Keep it simple.
Be empathetic towards your child’s emotions and experiences. Listening to your child and being aware of how your child is feeling can be useful in teaching your child how to cope with changes. Be curious, offer extra love and encouragement, and avoid judgemental responses. Asking questions is a great way to guide a child through difficult thoughts and feelings, but be conscious of how you word your questions. Try to avoid leading questions or questions that include judgement (e.g., “Why did you do this?” “You wouldn’t lie about this, would you?”).
Make a menu. With going back to school, you’ll need to decide on how to handle lunch. If you’re packing a lunch, sit down with your child and discuss their foods they like. Make a list of the healthy and delicious foods they like that would be good for a packed lunch. Consider recipes you can make large batches of to use throughout the week.
Try your best to be available during times of change/transition. If you know your child struggles with getting back to school, try being more available to them during these times. Try making changes to simplify your family life to accommodate and focus on your child’s emotional needs.
Talk about the issue/change. Discuss how the change will impact the family and answer as many of your child’s questions that you can. Avoiding difficult topics may make it harder for your child to process things as an adult. Talking about things gives your child the tools to understand what is impacting them.
Help your child prepare for a new school/community. If your child is moving to a new school (such as moving, going from elementary to middle school, or switching school districts), help them get acquainted with the new school by visiting before the first day of class, attending teacher meet-and-greets, and going over their new schedule.
Involve your child in decision making. For example, let your child choose what to wear for the first day of class (or give them option to choose from). “Children typically have no control over the major changes in their lives. By involving and including your child in such decisions, you help him feel more in control of the changes in his life” (source).
Expect that a child that has struggled with change in the past may need extra support for upcoming changes.
Communicate with your child’s teacher about behavioral concerns and be open to their feedback. Teachers can offer insight into your child’s behavior when you’re not around. Check in and ask them about if your child is doing well both educationally and socially.
Make sure your child is eating well, getting plenty of exercise/movement, and gets enough sleep. All of these things have an impact on our mental wellbeing. To ensure your child has the energy needed to cope with change and day-to-day life, help them maintain this balance.
Model positive ways to cope with difficult emotions. Children learn how to handle life circumstances from their parents. Talk about your feelings and what you do to cope with them (but avoid venting your feelings to your child). For example, if you’re overwhelmed with all you need to do, let your child see you make lists and stay organized rather than letting the stress get to you. Avoid placing blame on the child or others for your emotions (e.g, “Your new schedule is really making it hard for me to juggle everything!” “Why would you do this?”)
